If you want me to be cordial, please pass me one because I’m feeling a little antonymy today
This morning when the sun was barely up I skimmed through an article on Medium that said I should google myself – and because I started my day perfectly willing and nicely agreeable – that’s exactly what I did.
This is similar to weighing yourself when you already know it isn’t your imagination. It is asking for trouble
feelingfunny.ca came up first and I got all warm and happy but then I went to images and things quickly went south. I got Keith Richards right next to Patrick Swayze (I think they are wearing the same shirt) right next to a weird floating brooch, and then a turquoise fish with hints of yellow, a humanish mouth, and very protruding eyes.
I thought for one hopeful second I had googled my antonym but then I took a closer look and saw the resemblances
Also there are pictures of ladies in hats – a beautiful white horse, leaping – a rock band, no porn, a nicely arranged group of plaid ties, and a white kitten with a black heart-shaped patch who stole my heart and that’s why I am heartless right now and about to say cruel things about everyone who is pretending to be me, especially that brooch, which is not even phonetic, you clown.
I just realized that it’s actually Kurt Russell and he’s not only impostering me, he’s impostering Patrick Swayze, a nicely phonetic name, and I can’t imagine what he – Kurt I mean – is hoping to gain in this endeavour, the cheeky bastard.
Also there’s a recipe for Sherry Cordial, and if I ever feel like changing my name and appearance in general, which I just might after this little run-in with gaggle, I will consider Sherry Cordial first, because it goes nicely with my pretend middle name which is Rosewilde. Sherry Rosewilde Cordial. Do you like it? I like it but it feels excessively lovely, especially for today.
Sherry Rosewilde Cantankerous has a truer ring to it, but as I was saying only last night, back to the drink
Of course I screen capped that little cordial potion because although the process sounds exhausting and fairly mystical, in the end ”your half tumblerful will be found both agreeable, sufficient, and strengthening”.
Count me in, sister!
And while we’re still on the subject, if you want me to be cordial, please pass me one, because although I am usually happy with synonyms and homonyms, today, as I said, I seem to be mostly an antonym kind of girl and let me tell you, getting dressed on days like these, well, it’s a challenge like landing on the moon or staying at work until 5:00 on Fridays in the summertime, or any othhertime.
You know that tape you use for when you have pulled muscles or torn ligaments? It’s the stretchiest tape ever and very handy if your clothes rip because let’s face it the reason your clothes rip in the first place is due to sudden stretch requirements and if you use this tape, on the inside of course, it’s like magic and it sticks, as my father-in-law used to say, like shit to a blanket, and your clothes fit again.
This tape comes only in black so cull your colours and you’ll be fine
My wardrobe is riddled with hacks such as these, and mostly they work very well – and although strategic repetition and/or creative improvement may be required from time to time – no real repair is ever needed before said garment gets tossed in the out pile, where it lingers for a month or two before it enters the absolutely out pile, ditto the absolutely positively out pile, from where – although I’d rather say whence – it finally makes its way to the donation bin, mostly, although there are things I rescue at the very very very last second or later.
Have a great weekend everybody and thanks for reading
