Bodysuits don’t come with instructions, so please consider this a Public Service Announcement

I suppose I should have just pulled the whole damn thing down and sat there half naked and fully unobstructed – and I will certainly consider this practice in the future – but normally when I need to go, I just chicken-wing out of the top part of my jumpsuit and leave the bodysuit intact. Then I just haul the thong thing out of the way but this time, in my haste, I apparently didn’t haul it far enough, and things quickly went wrong in many directions.

And now there is a semi-saturated spot on the BACK of my JUMPSUIT that looks like an ink-blot butterfly.

I don’t know what you’re doing this long weekend, but I’m going to write an instruction book or trilogy on being female because it’s bewildering, shocking, complicated, expensive, and also pretty funny in a peculiar sort of way.

The End