Are there crash courses on meditation?
Because serenity fucking now already
Got an email at work the other day subject line OUTSTANDING CREATIVE! and I thought well well about time somebody noticed because all those Christmas campaigns with standards up to here like we’re suddenly fucking Satchi & Satchi so a bit of recognition was a most welcome surprise you know and I wondered which campaign they were referring to or was it a five-way tie so I opened the email and there was a Christmas list of things yet to be done as in out-fucking-standing the still-to-do kind.
Which is when I had the crash course idea
Thought maybe if I learned quick I could conjure a storm for isolation purposes and then I started thinking about a million dollars instead but after going for groceries yesterday I’m not sure that would cover it and a storm seems to be brewing without my help (unless it’s beginner’s luck) so maybe I’ll just conjure a cleaning lady who wouldn’t mind a bit of overtime until Christmas.
Because I don’t know where the fuck to start
I just did the area down by the front door maybe a foyer in your house but a fucking danger zone in mine and by did I mean half-did so the stairs have piles on them now I have to distribute evenly throughout the house I guess or maybe into Christmas stockings because I still haven’t gone out for stocking stuffers although it’s the kind of shopping I adore when money doesn’t feel real but can’t really see it happening this year so I hope they don’t mind nuts and oranges maybe some toothpaste, a magic eraser each, some spider plant babies requiring urgent care, bobbins – an array, a single knitting needle, screwdrivers and nails – an assortment, parsley for all, and whatever else old Hazel digs up.
Also and I wasn’t sure I was going to admit this but I decided in the spirits of the season, and if you’re offering make mine a double, I’d get the vacuum out and so I lifted up the mat and found not one but several mounds of previous sweeping under it so you see what I am dealing with here, right.
I have a radio spot again this Christmas but it’s more of a splotch
Did I tell you about the one last Christmas? Probably not I sounded so weird and I still do – but I am a little more wtf about it this year I guess – so after it has aired I will post a link if you’d like to cringe along with me. I did it in one take so there are a couple of awkward pauses and off-key singing and remarks and if I insulted you I didn’t mean it those parts were just my nerves talking shit.
