Challenge accepted, motherfuckers. And sorry I missed your call

Women on Instagram are posting their most flattering selfies and calling it an empowerment challenge. Holyfuckingshit. I just threw my phone into the lake

When I was a kid and it was raining during recess we used to sit at our desks and play these games that were designed, I guess, for kids sitting at their desks during rainy recesses.

So this one was called Head’s Up Seven Up and it was something like maybe five or six (duh prob 7) kids stood at the front of the class and the rest of us put our heads on our desks and closed our eyes. Then they’d walk around and each of them would touch somebody on the shoulder and then they’d scramble back to the front and stand there and the tagged kids would have to guess who tagged them, and if they got it right they got to replace whoever tagged them and it was their turn to shine!

So we had these two girls in our class, let’s just call them Nancy and Cathy because those were their names, and they took turns tagging each other all through recess. So they alternated being up you know? They shared the spotlight.

This empowerment challenge reminded me of that. It is simply a passing of the spotlight and nobody’s any better for it. I mean come on. Coveted compliments are just lined up letters and pretty as you all are, how about taking the selfies after you’ve done something empowering (besides brushing your hair). Fucking seriously. Talk about a false positive

I was going to say (besides adjusting your cleavage) but didn’t. Nope. If nothing else, I have restraint.

Still with me?

Because I am and have always been a contrary beast, I used to fuck with Nancy and Cathy, and whenever I’d get up, I’d run straight to the one who had her head on the desk and tap her shoulder and of course she’d guess the usual but she’d be wrong and I’d get to stay up and the other one would skulk to her desk and I’d be my own hero for at least the duration of recess.

Adding this so I can end on a better note which is cheesier than you know right now

So I’ve been making puzzles for ZoomerRadio and I’ve added two new ones and one of them you have to guess the song title by the first line in the song and the other one’s a word scramble which I know is corny. I call it a word medley and I made a little Facebook post with one of the clues as a teaser – SUTSBOP (2 words: 3,4 letters) – and the comments were all, like, TOO EASY!, and so the second one, which I posted yesterday – WORCEATNSELEI  (2 words: 5,8 letters) – were TOO HARD! and they seemed a little pissed about it so I guess they like the easy ones but just want to complain as in show off.

I put the answers in the comment section below because I’d be scribbling my head off right now if I were you

Anyway. These puzzles have given me two things. A job. And the opportunity to really get to know the songs from the 50s and 60s and 70s and boy oh boy am I grateful for both.

Yesterday I was surprised because I always thought Kenny Rogers was nothing but the Lay-Dee guy and he just was not my thing one little bit. But then I played this song that I was familiar with but I’d never really listened listened to and I had no idea who it was but I really really dug it and played it a couple of times thinking it was maybe Dr. Hook or The Yardbirds maybe.

But it was Kenny Fucking Rogers and here’s the song:

Kenny Rogers & The First Edition – Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

(written by Mickey Newbury in 1968)