My new zoom pyjamas are the bomb, yo
They’re plain at the shoulders, then sleepy little grey whales kick in from the armpits down and there’s one pocket for my snap-on interest-feigning eyebrows and another for my CBD oil, tra-la
And I finally bought some of those ice-walking shoe flipper things.
Daisy was a little jealous at first but she managed to condescend it into a well-I-guess-you-really-do-need-help kind of way
Of course I bought them too large because I am always overcompensating for buying footwear too small all my life. Anyway I gave the larger ones away and got myself a more fitting pair yesterday and was excited to try them out this morning but I had to stretch them like a slingshot to get them on and then they snapped to a very snug fit and I pretended not to notice Daisy’s slightly exaggerated smirk and off we went.
But there was something afoot, something amiss, something awry
And before something went askew, as in me, I stopped to adjust the left one which seemed to be most of the culpret. I wondered why the smaller ones would be less grippy, less crunchy-sounding, but I kept on going until it got slipperier – Spellcheck? You still on that bender? – especially on my left side and I finally stopped because I could feel the ground coming up or maybe it was me going down, you know, so I took a moment to reestablish which way was up.
Then I looked at the bottom of my left foot and the fucking flipper thing was fucking upside down.
You might think that’s the end of the story but no, sorry, there’s more
On the way back I saw a Motrin lying on the ground which was super-weird and I was relieved Daisy had missed it, you know, because she doesn't miss much. Anyway I figured I’d better pick it up so I did although it was difficult to capture in mittens and I chased it around like playing crokinole which is probably spelled wrong but eventually I nabbed the fucker and you know what?
It wasn’t a Motrin at all. It was the little orange disk spike holder part that had fallen out of my upside-down flippers
I know my blogs are a little heavy on the slapstick side but all this shit is true just so you know.
I mean maybe I take the Daisy thing a little far but, you know, she pays me, so why not?
My oldest daughter has been learning to crochet. First picture she sent was of a weird, loose rectangle with the comment This is so hard! Next one was a circle like a snail. Then a day or two later a two-in-one pic, the top one exactly like a square on those afghans you had in your basement when you were a kid, you know, the ones from Aunty Jan – which got me wondering when she was gonna snap, my daughter I mean, not Aunty Jan, that ship sailed – and the one Beloit (somebody Spellcheck knows maybe because I sure don’t) blow oh fuck below it was even more complicated, a checkerboard, with every other square recessed. The text came a second later.
help
LOL!
That was going to be then end but just one more thing, said the spider to the fly
Work friends aren’t those we covet, you know, you’re sort of stuck with them like you’re stuck with your family but also like family they can come through when the going gets tough and yesterday the going got tough for me on a zoom meeting and that’s when you know who your friends are.
In the evening I thanked her for saving me from over-thinking disappointment into a nose-dive, which she had done in a beautiful and swift and exceedingly kind way, and she texted back her favourite quote from Anthony Hopkins which is now my favourite quote from Anthony Hopkins.
Never let them rent a room in your head
— Anthony Hopkins
So I didn’t. Not even when they came knocking at two am inquiring about vacancies.
