Okay so I might have to be a hermit now

Some parents are calling their babies theybies – and autocorrect – I feel you. Also, made up words have to be funny-on-purpose, asshat

The new pronoun they is killing me, and not softly either. Is that really the best they (you see the flaw already and I wasn’t even trying) could come up with? I think there are more viable and less plural-sounding options, you know, or something new and perfect could have been coined. I mean all they had to do was ask. 

And like Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that, at least until I think of something else

I went to the One of a Kind Show yesterday because it was half price if you showed your Presto card and I wouldn’t have gone otherwise because I feel like a chump paying to shop. I mentioned this to someone at work and she said yeah I guess it’s like the Ex which I thought about and when she was way down the hall I hollered because I finally found the injustice.

But at least they have rides at the Ex! is what I hollered and then of course the big boss, her deepness, who dislikes me because I had a good idea once which wasn’t hers, was right fucking there and she gave me the that’s why I don’t like you look and I gave her the no fucks given look and although she may not have been aware it was a contest, it was, and I won

Just like all those train people I sprint through the parking lot with. They don’t even know it’s a race which is kind of surprising because it totally is. I mean, duh, what do they think it is?

But back to the One of a Kind. There was a very long line to get in and I thought maybe it would be too crowded but I actually wished it was more crowded because I was mostly there just to look, you know, and when there’s nobody else around it’s weird and you have to say nice things to the artists which they totally deserve but it gets their hopes up and then you have to walk away. And if you’re me you walk away most of the time thinking that you could have painted that $1600 abstract forest just as well or nearly as well or even better.

Which isn’t fair at all. It’s the same thing as you thinking you could write this blog. Which you probably could and if you really want to, just ask

There were some beautiful things there, no bargains, and I bought some delicious soft cheese which I had for dinner last night, one little triangle at a time, with apples and dates and avocado and prosciutto.

BTW I’ve been not online shopping at all and have been full-on working on The Poole Obits and I noticed this morning that when I google the… it no longer hops to thebay.com, it hops to thesaurus.com instead which I thought was neat-o and you probably think if that’s what I thought I really do need the thesaurus.

Are you watching the new season of The Crown?

It’s delicious. I highly recommend it and if you haven’t watched season one and two, don’t even bother, just jump right in to season three. Each episode is like a beautiful little movie, full of punches and longing and putting you on the very brink of tears and occasionally over the brink and making you suddenly and royally empathetic

Shocking at first with the new Queen actress and everything but it only took me a few minutes to fall in love with her and I think she’s the best Queen ever. Her face is so wonderfully expressive without even trying it seems. So much going on behind those eyes and I just want to keep watching her do whatever she does to make me feel exactly what she’s feeling. And the new Prince Phillip is perfect in every way, too. Those actors should get married unless they already are which is probably the case.

I am still considering the hermit option, and I finally thought of something else to say about it which is maybe I’ll give being a theymit a whirl instead. At least I’ll have company

Just a little addendum here. I wrote this post early this morning and it’s still early this morning and now I’m at the gym but I had to get off the elliptical because I was cackling because of a podcast I’m listening to and I mean the throw-your-head-back-and-get-all-ugly kind of cackling and those ellipticals are very central so I moved to the bike upstairs in the dark so I can single finger type whilst cackling and tell you what’s so funny.

But. If you are in the least delicate or uninitiated in the dark and druggy and boozy world of – well – of darkness and drugs and booze, you might want to skip this bit. But if any of the following sentences I typed while listening are in your wheelhouse, give it a shot.

I remember seeing my arm on fire

awake like nine months a year

I can get addicted to anything… cookies… whatever

Better make the best of it… it’s starting to kick in (they’re talking LSD here)

You’re like three feet to the right of yourself

Jesus Christ. Marc Maron and Keith Wager you are two fucked-up-funny dudes. I haven’t listened to Keith Wager’s podcast, which they talk about, but you bet I will. I listen to every one of Marc Maron’s WTF podcasts though. If you want to listen to this one you’ll want to get right in the thick of things so fast forward to 15:00 and then go back and listen to his intro if you want because it’s funny too.