Only two more days to get all the badassery out of your system before you get a whole new slate

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, motherfuckers

And fuck the new year new you nonsense.

You’re fine. Just hurry and use up all your badass as recklessly as everybody else is using up their benefits, because you’re getting a whole new stash of it very soon

Just think of all the great stuff you can do to bring out the side-eye in your friends, colleagues, and family. Really. It’s the best time of the year.

I am the only one at the gym right now and I couldn’t find my earphones so I’m listening to I don’t know what kind of music and that’s a pretty loose little noun I used there because calling this stuff music at all is like calling this jumpsuit my size. Fucking ridiculous. It’s Pink Floyd but not. It’s Pink Floyd in conjunction with something very beat-y. It’s a mix! It’s a mash!

I don’t know what the fuck it is but it’s awful. Does Roger know about this?

It’s the We Don’t Need No Education song (that double negative gives a nice little slap of irony doesn’t it) and it would be easy to post a link so you could hate it too, but I only like posting links to things you will enjoy so not doing it. But holy shit motherfuckers.

And that’s not gratuitous swearing just to meet my yearly quota either. That ship’s long gone, sailor

And the jumpsuit is ridiculous too. I wore it as a sort of subliminal punishment I guess because of the pie. I just hope there’s not a lot to do at work today because this waistband is unforgiving and lying down is the only way I can get any circulation going at all. I am on the GO train now and it’s a good thing it’s practically empty because I am sitting at a very obtuse angle if you can even call it sitting because it’s more, you know, loung-y, and fuck the fuck off spellcheck. Take a day. Clearly your No Suitable Replacements Found bullshit is indicative of burnout. Why does everything have to be so suitable all of a sudden?

Have a ducking hooker and go to rome

Anyway. Happy New Year Everybody. I love you all.

Now go out with a bang and come back in with a bigger bang. Be surprising and true and fierce. Also be kind and be safe and give something to someone in need if you can or if you can’t then just lend them your time and your ear.

And let go of the things you should let go of. No use dragging the past into another perfectly good year. Here’s what L.P. Hartley, British novelist and short story writer, had to say about that.

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

Also it showcases the perfect use of a semi-colon which is a rare and beautiful thing; which I cannot seem to get the hang of. That and suitable footwear. Maybe next year.