What does “phenomenal patient” even mean?
It’s an invalid adjective, and although it writhed out of the doctor’s mouth, we all know from whence it came
Imagine him in bed, sick and pale, spreading his covid-breath in a sly stream toward Conley’s bent ear: Tell them I’m a phenomenal patient.
Okay sorry. Stop imagining that. Tremendously stop
It’s five am and dark af and Daisy can’t seem to get comfortable. She’s clicking around the bare floor on her toenails, in circles, trying to decide which couch or chair and then she hops up and does more circles until she falls into a groan then a sigh and finally the snoring.
She probably doesn’t associate the clicks with herself - just like she farts without knowing it - in the same way Trump doesn’t seem to hear the shit he says
Unless they’re faking it. Anyway I can’t seem to un-isolate and take her to get them clipped. I’ve never had to because in our before life, when I was going to work every day, we used to take quick stabby walks around the neighbourhood and the pavement filed her nails to a reasonable length but now we only go for nice long hikes where there’s no pavement in sight.
So I bought dog nail clippers but she’s ticklish or something and she totally wigged out – like Barney Fife on acid
So it’s afternoon now and I just got back from a walk. I spent the morning cleaning a big book shelf which started because I was looking for a book and instead of finding it, not even eventually, I found lots that I don’t want anymore and now instead of that shelf looking like fifty-two pick-up, jacked, it’s neat and tidy. For now.
It’s gorgeous out there. So colourful and windy and nicely cool and the clouds in the sky (duh) are bouncy and I fit the world again or it fits me.
Usually when I clean or organize it’s because I’m a little bummed.
“What’s wrong?” my mom used to ask whenever my house was tidy
Anyway I had an idea on the way up the hill and I had to run so I wouldn’t forget it. I think we’re all trying to dodge a bummer these days and I hope it helps.
MY LITTLE SHIT LIST:
What s/he said, Trumped
It was the very, very best of times
– Charles Dickens
It’s a tremendous thing
– Martha Stewart
If I had a million billion dollars
– The Barenaked Ladies
Yuge
– 1988 Tom Hanks Movie
Please covfefe, let me go
– Elvis
The Superlatives
– 2004 computer-animated Superhero Film
No Sense and Sensibility
– Jane Austin
Proud boys and Prejudice
– Jane Austin
Battyman
– Marvel(lous)
