Does Cineplex deliver?

Because two days left on my popcorn-approved cleanse and I’m fresh out. Also I have some deliveries planned for Saturday so if you’re in my hood you might want to get your shit done early. Those food trucks can be awkward

Hasn’t been much of an ordeal, really. I mean, everything else is horrendous but the cleanse is a cinch except remembering to take the herbal supplements which are probably moss, my grey scarf, and grit.

At least that’s what they look like post

I have the mind of a sleuth, you know, always trying to think of ways to outsmart and dodge and fuck with rules in general and I’ve been trying to find ways around my self-inflicted cleanse as in sabotage I guess. Because if I’m allowed potatoes and oil and salt and there’s no popcorn left and I’m watching a so-so angsty series I wish was over already and no fermenteds are allowed and there’s a bag of chips somewhere, I’m gonna talk myself into a handful.

And depending on how I open the bag, landscape or portrait, a handful is quite a handful if you know what I mean

Remnds me of a job interview I went to long time ago. Guy gave me a little test that I had to do right then and there which was designing a popcorn bag for Cineplex. Second plug, send royalties. So I thought of StarWars and all the current hits, thanks Spellcheck, but I figured that’s what everybody else would do so what I did was keep the old look but make the bag open the other way. Know what I mean? Sideways. So instead of long and tall I made it short and long, you know, easy access and also good for sharing.

Didn’t get the job but I still think it was a pretty good idea

Always nosing around to see what other bloggers are doing. I like the cooking ones, especially when they’re exotic and with pictures.

I mean I’m not gonna click on titles like 17 Easy Cookie Recipes.

Recipe 17 is probably Isle 5, No Frills

But if it said: One very difficult recipe with exotic, mostly unavailable ingredients which might be listed in a different language but include specific strains of saffron, and twigs of spring lavender, and instructions you can’t follow except for a few remotely familiar actions like deglaze, dredge, and drinkup, as well as an appliance or two you’ve never heard of and the link, and a fucking hoard of edible gemstones, I’d be all over it.

Love a challenge

And speaking of, I haven’t done any Christmas shopping yet except those little chocolate oranges which I buy for stockings and usually I cave a couple of times and have to go out on the night before and get more from an inconvenience store where they’re like ten bucks each so in total I buy maybe three sets of three.

Me and Oscar Wilde, you know, we can resist anything but chocolate and don’t quote me on that

Here are some other blog posts I ignore and they’re all real and sent to me as fiendly suggestions, you know, as in as Hi-Sherry-we-thought-you’d-like-these.

Like whatthefuck. Here’s some samples:

9 Simple Ways to be an Extremely Interesting Person (start with the headline dipshit)

These Are My Instagram-Approved Cozy Outfits (these are my Instagram-approved rude gestures)

How to Do Oblique Crunches With Correct Form (no comment, asshat)

How to Get a Kinda-Casual, Kinda-Festive Look this Holiday Season (kinda-fuck-off)

And now back to me of course

I just did a radio spot as in recorded it on my phone. Eight minutes. Went okay in a let’s-make-the-best-of-things kind of way once I got over the I-don’t-sound- like-that part. Glad it was radio because if it was video I would have bailed. Found that my voice was less quivery if I held my hands up over my head, you know, and I might have busted a few moves, too, and a lamp in the process, but otherwise am unscathed but I can’t listen to it. Haven’t. Waiting until Saturday night when it comes on the radio and then I might die but whatever. Haven’t done any shopping yet anyway.