How many horses walk into a bar where there’s no lightbulb does it take to knock knock

And other cultural irrelevancies

I wasn’t going to write about this thing we’re all thinking about because I am an ostrich and also I think there are other important things to talk about such as life and living and forget-me-nots and curries. Also double digit temperatures and the book I am currently reading and the new garden I am digging (in my mind) and will actually start on and fill with nasturtium seeds and a juniper bush soon as the last frost has come and gone which might be today or tomorrow. There was a little shimmer on the roof next door yesterday morning and I saw a squirrel slip as he raced across it, from the hawks no doubt, who hunt in beautiful, effortless spirals.

I wasn’t going to write about it because I don’t want to give it any more press, like the way people won’t say a criminal’s name in order to deny them notoriety.

I wasn’t going to write about it because what if word of mouth gave it more strength, a wider berth somehow, an invitation?

And so maybe you’d like to join my cultural irrelevancy club instead where we will talk about things that don’t matter a damn. There are no other members so it’s very exclusive. Here are the requirements:

likes REM, reading, toast
can braid
no ad nauseam
does not cry easily (slow fuse)
no farting

We can talk about ice cream flavours, guess what colour the tulips will be, remember the sound a paddle makes against your canoe – the great big sky moving in the water – and then somebody yells from the dock about going to town for an ice cream and you already know your flavour

Here’s some jokes and then I’m going to go for a walk with Daisy and I wish you could come.

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Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

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What's E.T. short for? Because he's only got little legs.

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What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.

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Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!"

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Have a good week everybody and keep your droplets to yourselves

One more thing and I wasn’t going to put this here and I have deleted it and typed it back in a couple of times already so if it’s here, it’s here: Last night was a full moon and I wasn’t sleeping so I got up to have a look and Gord Dowie went through my mind in the form of a song I’d heard earlier in the day and then other people went through my mind and maybe that’s where heaven is, you know, in your mind when the moon is full and you are alone with an abundance of if only