The New Chic
I have shredded wheat eyebrows, a disregard for cleanliness, no concern for what matches, a new tic, and my latest hair style is the don’t-give-a-fuck-doo which I totally invented. It’s so me!
And I alternate between snappy organic celery hearts and Fruit Loops. Poetry and drivel. Science docs and The Simpsons. Also what is a “waistband”? and should that question mark be inside the quotation marks or is it okay where it is? And while we’re on the subject, has anybody else noticed an increase in the rate of evaporation? Because I couldn’t have gone through all that already. It is inconceivable. Like everything else.
But we are resilient little fuckers, aren’t we?
Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where George wants a new career and makes all kids of ludicrous suggestions such as general manager of a baseball team, talk show host, sports commentator? Well I think he was on to something and it’s ridiculous optimism like his that I want to talk about here because maybe now is the time for us to think that way, you know, and maybe when this is all over there will be open doors instead of closed ones.
And maybe Monte Hall will say you don’t have to pick one, you can have them all
I mean if I can suddenly be a puzzle-maker, you can be a potter or an actress or a [insert-dream-here]. Or you could bake cakes which I think is one of the best jobs ever because you bring joy and happiness and fulfillment and then some. And on a related topic, did I mention that only yesterday I tried on my jumpsuit which has a previously reinforced button right at the waist and although I needed some real fucking chutzpah getting that button to work, I did it.
But I couldn’t sit down and breathe simultaneously
And then Anna made a coffee cake and the house was full of sugar and butter blasts and cardamom and chai swirls all day and it reminded me of the time my sister and I took up Popeye cigarettes at the same time our mother gave up smoking real ones.
Or you could be a movie reviewer or a book reviewer or a weather predictor or a hoarse whisperer, thank you spellcheck that’s a keeper, or a plant planter or a do-it-yourself hair cutter or a fence-mender and give us all tips. You could do that here on my blog if you want. You know. Try writing a guest blog. Why not? No subject too small or silly.
Just no Marie Kondos please and you have to be very awry
Two of my immediate goals are: Learn Creep on the Glockenspiel, okay now you can just fuck off spellcheck, and finish my song which is coming along as in I’ve got the title and the basic tune and I’m all wound up to punch you in the pyjama pocket above your heart as F. Scott Fitzgerald so aptly put it and I so unaptly borrow.
You know what is coming out of our collective woodwork along with years of dust and grit and in my case, raisins? Old friends, that’s what
Here’s a text I got the other day:
Hi Sherry, Happy elated Birthday!! Hope you are coping with all this razy world today.
My birthday is in November. What could I say back other than:
Are you runk?
We worked at Woolworth’s cafeteria together when we were in high school and we became fast friends and we’d bomb around in her mom’s pinto on Sunday afternoons like Cheech and Chong.
We had a great chat and our great chat had a great ending.
Me: You were the one person who was always game for anything.
Her: You too
Which made me really miss her because there’s nothing like reciprocity and when this is all over let’s do something. Maybe on a Sunday afternoon
We watched JoJo Rabbit last night and when it ended I said “new favourite movie.” Of course that was maybe due to excessive evaporation but it’s certainly in the top ten or maybe five or even three and now I want to read the book it was based on, Caging Skies by Christine Leunens, because I want to see how the part of Hitler was written. I need to see that brilliant character in words on flat square pages.
Who won best supporting actor anyway and why wasn’t it that guy because clearly
Oh right. Ok Brad. Well this happened when I googled JoJo Rabbit director:
Taika Waititi is from New Zealand and he also wrote the screenplay and was the actor which makes it even more imperative that I read the book because, well, I need to know who was responsible for making me want to stand up and applaud that movie and New Zealand is a long way to go if I’m wrong.
Not all adoration has to be reciprocal after all
Also Sam Rockwell is genius and the two little boys with similar teeth will gnaw at what’s left of your heart after Scarlett Johansson breaks it.
I’ll be posting Episode 5 of Clutterbucks on Thursday and in the comment section (unless I can figure out how to link it at the beginning) there will be a RECAP – if that link works I figured it out – so you can get the gist of the story, you know, and start at Episode 5 if you want although I don’t know why don’t you just go to the beginning. What? Are you pressed for time?
Also the puzzle project which is two crosswords a week, two word searches, and a doodle art, is launching Monday, April 20 so if you feel like it, go to ZoomerRadio.ca and see what it’s all about. But don’t go until April 20 because then you can help spike the numbers, you know, create a buzz. So I’m not putting a link here but will post next week’s blog on Monday with a link.
Also if you want something dreamy to watch, like real life eye-candy, click on the black box under my picture here, you know, in the Instagram feed thingy. It’s something really nice and soothing to look at. I’ve been watching it over and over and over and over and over
