I have an inflamed sense of punctuation, a case of all caps, and acute apostrophobia
But it doesn’t seem to be contagious. Not in the least. Also. What the fuck does coarse oatmeal look like?
Did the pastry people run out of analogies? Because I’ll tell you what I’m runnng out of. Patience. I am running out of patience.
Also tarts. I am actually running out of tarts, which is surprising because they aren’t very good except for the filling, which is out of a jar and only mediocre. But they’re baked to a nice golden brown which is nice. The pastry itself is perfectly flat because that terrible analogy is all any of the recipes offer and as I stated, I am unfamiliar with coarse oatmeal and also they don’t specify whether said oatmeal is cooked or just sitting there in a bag coarsely. I mean couldn’t they have compared the texture to something I am more familiar with? Dragon spit, for instance, or the underfluff of a llama.
Clearly these pastry chefs are in cahoots. Don’t worry motherfuckers. Your secret’s safe with me
But back to grammar. I have lost my right to be a grammar snob and I pledge to not hold its misuse against anyone or at least mostly or very often or at least very loudly. I know this blog is no shining example of proper grammar, and my new novel, Clutterbucks, thanks for asking, is written with the same level of casualness and lack of shit-giving. So. That right there is the definition of a hypocrite which I am going to be less of in the future, which is about as vague a timeline as coarse oatmeal is a texture.
But I will try. Mostly.
Have a great holiday everyone!
