I am typing with one eye today

I am also using my hands, just to clarify

So I have a weird rash on my face. It’s lovely. Especially this time of year, you know, when things are all bright and cheerful and red anyway. It’s that fetching rosacea look, and I even have a couple of dots on my nose which is extra festive. 

BTW have you noticed how everyone is taking the Christmas light thing to the extreme this year? I mean they’re even putting tinsel on their headlights. No need to get so splashy you guys. Seriously. I bet you can see my across-the-street neighbour’s house from space.

Did I mention my cataract surgery is end of January?

But back to old one eye, which incidentally, my father used to call the cat

So I have this muscle and joint cream that’s made from pot. Also some skin cream that’s made from pot. But I couldn’t find the skin cream so I used the muscle and joint cream on my cheek because it’s itchy as fuck and it hurts, you know, and there’s pot in it after all and I thought it would help.

I guess the stuff got into a crevice, you know, a wrinkle, and travelling upward with a complete disregard for gravity, it got into my right eye which is currently burning and watering, although super relaxed.

Ever had toothpaste splash in your eyeball? Same but it’s penetrating ointment. This shit’s meant to sink in

So if you see me on the GO train later, I am not winking at you, unless you have tickets to Star Wars this afternoon that is, or a mickey in your coat.