It’s -7 out there, 5am on a Wednesday, and the weather guy just said it FEELS like -29. I have questions
What’s he wearing, for instance, and how do I get his job? Here’s my CV: It’s Wednesday but it feels like Friday, I feel like a piece of lemon meringue pie, it feels a lot earlier than 5, and I feel funny in this shirt. So, like, when do I start?
Also I feel a change is underfoot and I don’t just mean I vacuumed, because I didn’t, although I totally might.
And it’s more than a paint-the-kitchen kind of change, although that’s exactly what I’ll be doing on Monday, you know, actually working from home without air quotes for once.
So my friend Gail is driving in her camper to Florida. That sentence took a very long time to construct for some reason and it still feels wrong but whatev – enough about what shit feels like – Gail’s on her way and she sent me a goodbye email which went, in part, like this:
… I feel we are linked every time I get a feeling funny notice even though it appears you've become a different person – extroverted, potty mouthed…
Which got me thinking. And I replied like this:
Potty-mouth is my native language and I think the extrovert part is my natural state, too. I just forgot about it. Or was scared of it. Or maybe it got knocked out of me somewhere along the way. I don't know. Anyway. I like being this way, at least on the page. It's a real relief somehow.
Do you know what staircase wit is? It’s when you think of the right thing to say too late, as in you’re already on the staircase, and you’ve lost your chance.
So in a staircase sort of way, I should have said that it’s not so much extroversion. It’s just that the page doesn’t have boundaries
Anyway. Writers say writing is a struggle. The tortured alcoholic ones, you know, like Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald and so many many more that I can’t think of right now. And then there are the cult-hero underground misery-poets like Charles Bukowski and like Mickey Rourke in Barfly. And holy shit, until I searched for that link just now, I didn’t know that Charles Bukowski actually wrote Barfly which autocorrect wants to verb into barfy, and I love shit like that, you know, not the barfy part, but the delightful little surprises regarding who wrote what.
But beware because when you click on that link you’ll get a full-screen ad for the very new very old Cats. Like oh brother. Let’s bring back the Macarena while we’re at it. Fuck off spellcheck.
Thomas Mann got it right when he said this:
A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people
And I know you’ve heard enough of my complaining about the difficulties I am experiencing while writing The Poole Obits. I’ve tried to change the format, the medium, the POV, but now I know what really needs to change and it’s the genre. Yup. I don’t want to write anything dark, or, the truth is, I can’t. Not right now.
But what I can write, and am writing, is a comedy. And it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever written because it’s based on a sitcom that I wrote in 2018. I did an entire bible at that time which in addition to a 30-minute pilot episode, consists of character outlines, first season episode outlines, first season story arc, first season character arcs, supporting characters, transition to season two, and I don’t know what to do with this bible other than turn it into a novel because the storyline is so big and juicy and funny and the characters are people you want to be around and they’re funny as fuck in a not stupid way and you want to get to know them and there are lots of surprises and discoveries and joy and heartbreak. Like in a good way. Like a day at the Ex without lineups or calories or time limits and a pocket full of cashola. And a cool breeze.
I mean the story’s already there and all I have to do is re-twist it into a novel format, which involves some tricky business some of the time, and other times I just sort of sit back giggling and it happens on its own, but whatever it is, it’s working and I am having the best time.
AND it’s a great alternative to writing this blog which I totally could do every single day but I hold myself back because I want you to say Yay! when you get a new post notice instead of rolling your eyes because it’s too much.
And while we’re on the subject, if you haven’t subscribed to this blog yet, and you like to read it, just subscribe already. I’m not sure how it helps, but at some point the numbers will matter, and in the meantime just think of it as a compliment.
