Jingling all the (other) way
We’re having a bonfire tomorrow and those who are usually inside making merry or trouble or sandwiches will be outside resisting the urge to hug
It’s raining out (duh) and according to my phone it’s going to keep it up all day and I plan on saying if only it was snow pretty often throughout the day so you might want to open that Bailey’s-shaped present early.
FYI in both Birmingham, England where my mom’s from, and Coleraine, Northern Ireland where my dad’s from, it is also raining. I have both of these locations on my phone because it makes me feel connected in a nice, comforting way. I like to know how it would feel to be there at any given time.
I also know what’s up with the weather in Kenora, Thunder Bay, Nova Scotia, Nelson, Long Beach, Revelstoke, Olds, Minden, and Kamloops because each of these places holds a piece of my heart and a smattering of other bits, too
Feeling tranquility and panic today, in equal measures mostly, very much the way I feel while flying because hours of unrelieved boredom punctuated with moments of extreme terror except today it’s all condensed, you know, and like I said it’s an emotional tie mostly which I might get back to later.
Anyway I’ve got dinner going in the crock pot and it’s a nice smooth soft and fragrant curry. Also there’s a turkey breast in the little oven (my big one’s been broken for over a year now and I have discovered I don’t need it and it has become a handy little place to hide smoking pans because I always have the heat too high). Also making the boxed stuffing I was brought up on and homemade cranberry sauce which if you make yours you should put marmalade instead of sugar and also lime juice for shocking. The turkey etc. is for tomorrow – sort of fake leftovers if you will – because what’s better than leftover turkey sandwiches for dinner, especially when there’s tons of stuffing and cranberry sauce and fresh breads.
We eat on our laps in sort of huddles and balance our wine and hoot and holler and I get to be part of everything instead of being alone in the kitchen trying to hump the gravy which is so not the case, Spellcheck, but nice of you to show up. What I am actually doing in the kitchen alone is trying to unlump the gravy for fucksakes
Then we play rude games like Cards Against Humanity and there’s a new one my daughter is bringing over that she says is a blast but I can’t think of the name right now although it’s on the tip of my tongue which is another thing I might get to later because it’s not alone.
That’s a pretty good segue, although Spellcheck is having palpitations over the spelling, so back to the other thing I said I’d get back to about emotional ties and I don’t mean the way you might feel emotionally tied to something, but rather a balance of emotions, you know, like when they work out evenly as in a draw, a balance of having and having not, and when you close your eyes about it and wander off to be alone you find yourself in a swirl that’s full of odd and shimmering and unrequited and if only feelings that almost hurt but not quite.
We’re all juggling and we’re all trying to find balance in the beautiful mess. It’s what life is all about
This is from the radio show I was telling you about which I still can’t listen to. It’s the bit right at the end: I mean if I’ve learned anything about successful Christmases, it’s that you have to build up your tolerance. To sweets... To dazes… To lumps in the not-enough-gravy… To Bailey’s first thing… To sudden bouts of missing people who are gone... To drop-ins who bring the dog... To those to whom drinking responsibly means not spilling… To people who nod off mid-sentence… To making mince pies in your mother’s tins because it’s almost like she’s right there with you...To people who bring you tea just when you need it… To people who sing loud and out of key, which I actually love…
To being thankful for every single person in your life including the ones who aren’t there
And this one’s from the tip of my tongue:
To weathering our storms
xo
