Synonyms for Nervous
It’s Election Day. My teeth are on edge and I have bats instead of butterflies, a brand new twitch, bouts of Tourette’s, and the aura that precedes a bender
I think Global Panic, occasional and temporary I hope, will replace the Global Pandemic today, which will remain of course, but just as a sort of background gore.
Which is why I am listing a few things for you, meaning me, to do today instead of drinking
Create your own weather zone with diffusers! Also new hairstyles based on humility (fuck off spellcheck but I get it) humidity
Bake. Use equal parts sugar, flour, eggs, oats, raisins and psilocybin
Paint the kitchen or at least start
Full-body exercise (not just your elbow and swallowing)
Give non-fiction writing a whirl and start a book called, Nostradamus Was Kidding, or if you are feeling up to the task, how about, The New New Testament
DO NOT TURN ON THE TV unless you are bingeing (spellcheck… are you there?) The Queen’s Gambit which is the best idea here and you could totally do it in a day if you apply yourself
Or if you’ve already hidden your switcher, listen to Dolly Parton’s America podcast because these might be the good old days
If you do decide to follow an online full-body workout video, please skip the one between five more and three more because if I hear four more even once today I will faint
Jot down as many synonyms for nervous as you can
Disregard above list and give antonyms a whirl
Okay that took ten minutes. Only about a thousand to go
Mind if I ramble for a while? That’s rhetorical of course, so take a deep breath because you know how I get and here goes: So I thought of two things last night as Daisy was on the other couch and our eyes met and one was that I could say to somebody Watch, I can make Daisy wig out with my telepathic powers because sure as shit if you make eye contact with her for more than like five seconds she goes apeshit, a word I have seldom used, but one that rings nicely true in this instance, no synonyms necessary. The other thing I was thinking is that Daisy is the dog of my life and on our walk this morning I tried to communicate this to her because it’s a shame if she doesn’t know but she might be one of those unable to express her feelings kind of bitches because all she did was look at me and wag because to her I am a food dispenser, mostly anyway.
C’est la fucking vie – I’m not needy – she’s still the dog of my life
Anyway let’s really hope they vote the unhinged fucker out, guys.
