People are naming their babies Corona and I have alternatives for their dumb asses
How about Bubonic? Abscess? Boil? Fever? Or maybe Madcow? Which reminds me of a joke…
I thought this joke was hilarious when I first heard it and I still do but I remember telling it in company I don’t keep anymore and NOBODY laughed except me which made me laugh even more until it became one of those suppressed laughter incidents which are kind of fun to remember but sheer sheet when they’re happening. (My Spanish accent is acting up again.)
Goes like this:
Why do they call it PMS?
Because Mad Cow was already taken.
FLOL!
See now if you didn’t like that joke and you were here in the room with me and all the beautiful shadows and that great big burly breeze coming in through the new screen door, I’d be laughing all over the place. I’d be quite a gasping mess I bet because I can feel it bubbling already and you’re not even here yet. And it may or may not snap into the suppressed kind – but if it did – you’d probably shoot through that screen door like there’s no tomorrow which there is. It just never comes.
Unless your name’s Corona. Then tomorrow comes. With a vengeance I bet or at least a little taunting
Maybe it’ll be character-strengthening like A Boy Named Sue but it will probably just make slow, steady drinkers outta those kids. And it’s not like back when well-meaning parents gave their kids names like Alexa before google was even a thing, or Karen, you know, which I could easily be right now because the roofers across the street and down two are playing their radio very loud and it’s coming in my new screen door right along with the breeze and it’s very fucking unbreezy of them.
The song is Under Pressure and it’s not the only one let me tell you. It’s a collaboration between Queen and David Bowie and whatev but right now it’s at the end of the song and it’s early Friday morning and it sounds awful and also repetitive. Seriously. Unda presha. Unda presha. Fuck. Is that legal?
I think spellcheck just pasta outa
Anyway I could get all Karen about it and go over and ask them to turn it down but I am much too Sherry whatever the fucka that means.
There are lots of sites that tell you the meaning behind names but they seem pretty vague and random, you know, like when people try to tell you the meaning of your dreams. I mean just because I dream about ice cream almost every night does not mean I was a Siberian tiger in my past life even if Tiger Tail’s my favourite. Mostly..
All it means is that I don’t get enough ice cream. Like clearly
Anyway these are the words that apply to my name, and thus to me: youthful informal natural wholesome refined simple comedic
At the risk of repeating myself, FLOL!
I can only identify with three of these traits unless youthful means immature then it’s four. And if simple means easy then I guess it’s five because I was pretty simple in my twenties let me tell you. I was a cinch.
However I am def not wholesome and I am most certainly UNrefined unless you really are what you eat because my breakfast was both. However, I have strong evidence against that theory because I am not ice cream.
But if I was, I’d call my flavour Vanish
Which BTW is the name of one of my characters in The Poole Obits which I will be resurrecting after the final (next) episode of Clutterbucks, Season One. So if you’re looking for something a little darker to read hang on. I’ll be serializing it next and let me tell you, I can’t wait to get back into it. All the gorgeous bad people with their motives hanging out all over the place.
