I had gnats for breakfast, how ’bout you?
Little fuckers broke my fast*
Suspension of disbelief is not just for swallowing the printed word
It also comes in handy at dawn on an April snow day when I fall three times during a very short conversation and neither of us seem to notice
You know what happens when you say you don’t believe in Fairies, right?
Well guess what? I don’t believe in calories. It’s my new weight loss strategy
Played some rage-tennis last night
The wall didn’t stand a chance
Blog titles I came up with when I couldn’t come up with blog titles
I’m never sure what to think when people say the best thing about my blogs are their titles. It’s like saying the best thing about a restaurant is its menu
Do you really want to know what’s wrong?
This isn’t going to be funny
I overthink, therefore I overam
Or would that be underam?
“I’m not a cat” is what a cat would say
omg did you see that video? I think the judge is Mr. Rogers
Not to be dramatic, but...
I feel a stress-induced zit coming on and it’s all because of excessive worry re my cookie glitch
I have bangs now like Bette Davis as Charlotte
I did it because of winter hats. Thought a little fringe would be cute, you know, and it is pretty cute in an aged child sort of way
How to February
It’s a good time to introduce your new imaginary friends to your posse
5 Reasons I Hate Lists
And that might be my finest headline ever
Self-awareness is not my fort
I was describing a difficult character. I said she had a sketchy past, drank too much, and was dodgy in general. Remind you of anyone?
I’m awake. Are you awake?
Spoke with a friend yesterday. She said pacing is the only exercise she gets these days
Just a few more adjustments to the English language if you will
If people can be hard-of-hearing they should be able to be hard of other things too, you know, like hard-of-sense
My cat is shady AF
She gets affable at bedtime so I’ll agree to trade my comfort for hers and keep my knees bent, my achilles available, and my clockhand feet forever parallel, all of which is heroic for a splayer like me
My new zoom pyjamas are the bomb, yo
They’re plain at the shoulders, then sleepy little grey whales kick in from the armpits down and there’s one pocket for my snap-on interest-feigning eyebrows and another for my CBD oil, tra-la
New Year, New Vices
If you think I took a final gasp of chaos in the last few seconds of 2020 and exhaled into 2021 viceless, you have been misdirected
