Jingling all the (other) way
We’re having a bonfire tomorrow and those who are usually inside making merry or trouble or sandwiches will be outside resisting the urge to hug
Amazon is a Rabid Hole
I went in for long underwear and ended up buying Dead Sea salt straight from Israel, dance lessons, and I think I maybe just bought John Cougar Mellencamp
Does Cineplex deliver?
Because two days left on my popcorn-approved cleanse and I’m fresh out. Also I have some deliveries planned for Saturday so if you’re in my hood you might want to get your shit done early. Those food trucks can be awkward
Got invited to an imaginary party!
Sounded dodgy so I went
In-the-know is in-the-now and versa-vise
I should have known a cleanse is a digestive thing. I mean it’s like being surprised at the colour of an orange. And contrary to evidence, I have not eaten my grey wooly scarf, the alphabet, or your hardwood floor. Also. Can you poop out your intestines?
I am a Responsible Drinker
I never spill a drop
My Invisible Fiend
Just the other day I was leafing through recipes, desserts mostly, marvelling at all the spare time I had when my invisible fiend started rhyming off, in alphabetical order, all the things I should be doing, so I skipped the baking and went straight to the recently purchased cookies
Onward and Sideways
I pulled a muscle in my brain yesterday trying to figure out how Megan Thee Stallion can bumshake like that on TV but radio stations have pulled Baby, It’s Cold Outside and then I pulled another muscle trying to stop trying to figure it out
I Yurt, therefore I Yam
Well okay maybe it’s more of a fort but it’s a pretty nice place to yurt
Now there’s CARTOONS in my out pile, too
The only thing bigger than my out pile is my in pile
Is there an Impulsive Anonymous?
Wait! Let’s make one!
The Self-Careness of Denial
I have decided my new leggings blend, it’s okay to have an expired sticker, ice cream is fine as long as it’s got fruit, and careness is a word. Also there’s no i in denial
I weighed myself just now and I want a recount
Also my age. This counting must stop immediately
Synonyms for Nervous
It’s Election Day. My teeth are on edge and I have bats instead of butterflies, a brand new twitch, bouts of Tourette’s, and the aura that precedes a bender
Know any Supervillains who can cook?
Because I hear there’s an opening at the Whitehouse.
JOB DESCRIPTION HERE
The Zombies’ She’s Not There is about Me
Well no one told me I could turn off the video
If agnostic means passively not giving a shit, I’ve found my verb (unless it’s my adjective or maybe my noun)
These are a few of my indifferent things: daylight savings, tofu, horoscopes, George Clooney, commas, cacti, and changing seasons, mostly anyway
My idea of recklessness has gone downhill – recklessly
Today I am switching tenses in a story and I feel brave, daring, and reckless as I drag my characters, screaming, out of the past and into the present. So you can see what has become of me, motherfuckers, me who used to say yes! to everything, cross my fingers as a preventative measure, fall in love and never fall out
