And other cultural irrelevancies
[ 1 minute read ]

[ two minute read ]
I think it’s nice they’re back even if they are overdoing it a little

[ 2 minute read ]
It’s a cinch. Just follow my lead

[ 2 minute read ]
I can’t remember the last time I bought one, but I remember taking it to Value Village sometime last year, tags still dangling. I think it had been twirling in my closet for at least a decade, although that’s a misleading image I gave you there because nothing actually twirls in my closet. Fuck no. Everything’s jammed together, including the seasons

[ 2 or 3 minute read ]
Beware. Vowels are wierd. As are cnsnnts. Put an i in pens and you get something else entirely. Take an o from poop and it only goes pop which reminds me of that here I sit broken hearted little shitty and it was spellcheck’s idea to call it that btw. And substituting a consonant for a vowel is another hot one which also has nothing to do with what I’m talking about toddy

[ 2 minute read ]
The biggest irony of all is that perfectionists are imperfect and if that doesn’t completely upend them I have some other suggestions that might

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Procrastination, like consequence, seems like a bad word. But the upside of procrastination is self-care and the upside of consequence is results. So there. And there

[ 2 minute read ]
Do you remember when Captain Kirk said “everything I say is a lie”? That was my first mind-fuck moment. Super-vision is the most recent. I feel like I just woke up from a coma

[ 2 minute read ]
And to that I would like to add the following: We have decreasing ocular ability so that we will not die of mirrors

[ 2 minute read ]
Everybody said cataract surgery would be a cinch and it was, I guess, but holy shit

[ short, thankfully ]
So it’s Fruit Friday which is a thing not only because of the alliteration, which I like, but also because the next day my farts sound like Chewbacca and it’s nice to be at home so I can, you know, LOL

[ 2 minute read ]
Always fun to read other people’s letters, isn’t it, even letters that didn’t get sent because sometimes what you see on facebook at 3am isn’t what’s actually there. So, like, fuck

[ 2 minute read ]
This one’s about Radiohead, Elton John, and Tom Waits. Also the Oxford comma, transpositions and inconsistencies

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The guy has major influence and he’s speaking to a room full of other major influencers and here’s what he said instead of going all Greta which he totally should have. “If you get the opportunity to be kind tomorrow, take it.” I mean Holy Fucking Moly Brad. Haven’t you heard? Tomorrow never comes

[ 2 minute read ]
So along with this rosacea bout, I have a light but lively body itch, a ringing in my ears, some localized swelling, an eye-rolling problem, and a grudge. How’s YOUR new year going?

[ 2 minute read ]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, motherfuckers

[ short & sweet ]
Fuck off cookies