All in Feeling Funny
I’m awake. Are you awake?
Spoke with a friend yesterday. She said pacing is the only exercise she gets these days
Just a few more adjustments to the English language if you will
If people can be hard-of-hearing they should be able to be hard of other things too, you know, like hard-of-sense
My cat is shady AF
She gets affable at bedtime so I’ll agree to trade my comfort for hers and keep my knees bent, my achilles available, and my clockhand feet forever parallel, all of which is heroic for a splayer like me
My new zoom pyjamas are the bomb, yo
They’re plain at the shoulders, then sleepy little grey whales kick in from the armpits down and there’s one pocket for my snap-on interest-feigning eyebrows and another for my CBD oil, tra-la
New Year, New Vices
If you think I took a final gasp of chaos in the last few seconds of 2020 and exhaled into 2021 viceless, you have been misdirected
You had me at “Happy
I am half-tripping on CBD right now so either the guy who removes the THC is a slacker or the Emperor has new clothes
Well that was a nice little blur wasn’t it?
Christmas morning there was snow on the ground and cookie dust on my chin
Jingling all the (other) way
We’re having a bonfire tomorrow and those who are usually inside making merry or trouble or sandwiches will be outside resisting the urge to hug
Amazon is a Rabid Hole
I went in for long underwear and ended up buying Dead Sea salt straight from Israel, dance lessons, and I think I maybe just bought John Cougar Mellencamp
Does Cineplex deliver?
Because two days left on my popcorn-approved cleanse and I’m fresh out. Also I have some deliveries planned for Saturday so if you’re in my hood you might want to get your shit done early. Those food trucks can be awkward
In-the-know is in-the-now and versa-vise
I should have known a cleanse is a digestive thing. I mean it’s like being surprised at the colour of an orange. And contrary to evidence, I have not eaten my grey wooly scarf, the alphabet, or your hardwood floor. Also. Can you poop out your intestines?
My Invisible Fiend
Just the other day I was leafing through recipes, desserts mostly, marvelling at all the spare time I had when my invisible fiend started rhyming off, in alphabetical order, all the things I should be doing, so I skipped the baking and went straight to the recently purchased cookies
I Yurt, therefore I Yam
Well okay maybe it’s more of a fort but it’s a pretty nice place to yurt
Now there’s CARTOONS in my out pile, too
The only thing bigger than my out pile is my in pile
Is there an Impulsive Anonymous?
Wait! Let’s make one!
The Self-Careness of Denial
I have decided my new leggings blend, it’s okay to have an expired sticker, ice cream is fine as long as it’s got fruit, and careness is a word. Also there’s no i in denial
I weighed myself just now and I want a recount
Also my age. This counting must stop immediately
Synonyms for Nervous
It’s Election Day. My teeth are on edge and I have bats instead of butterflies, a brand new twitch, bouts of Tourette’s, and the aura that precedes a bender
