I have one nerve left and I’m on it
As in sitting on it
I Just Inhaled A Grasshopper
Those of you who have been out on a rip with me are probably rolling your eyes and saying what fucking else is new but NO! I mean the insect kind. I have never eaten a shoe, but I imagine the sensations are similar
Yoga for Bourbon
That’s a spellcheck dig. It’s supposed to say Yoga for Beginners because although I have performed the downward dog once or twice, it was either over a porcelain bus or someone*, rather than a yoga mat as per you
Challenge accepted, motherfuckers. And sorry I missed your call
Women on Instagram are posting their most flattering selfies and calling it an empowerment challenge. Holyfuckingshit. I just threw my phone into the lake
The “quarantine fifteen” everybody says don’t worry about is in kg, right? Asking for a fiend
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Oh boy. Look out. Spellcheck’s on today that’s fart sure and I’m just gonna do the streak of concussion thing and see what hiballs
There appears to have been a struggle
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This could apply to any or all parts of my life including my latest attempt at decluttering, my self-inflicted hair cut, my imaginary roller-skating debut, and/or writing this blog
VooDoo for Children
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I think the Quick Brown Fox sentence from 1885 could use a refresh, so I’m practicing by using 10-point Scrabble letters a little morque. Also trying out catchy, misleading blog titlesx
People are naming their babies Corona and I have alternatives for their dumb asses
How about Bubonic? Abscess? Boil? Fever? Or maybe Madcow? Which reminds me of a joke…
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one
That’s just a joke motherfuckers and it’s mine, unlike these smart and surprising little numbers that will help restore your faith in humanity:
Some things Daisy and I discussed on our walk this morning
This one’s a quickie
I cut my hair. It’s rad. Want me to do yours?
Just came back from a walk and can’t put my glasses on to type because of a sweaty forehead but what the duck. Who feeds en!
Enter June
It’s windy and cool and blue and green and we’re all woke right the fuck up and trying to swallow what happened to George Floyd
I don’t see how my glass being half full makes me an optimist
Au contraire, motherfuckers. Top me up!
Fuck Moderation. It’s my new isolation motto. Hope you like it
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I thought a little self-improvement might be helpful, you know, so I put the fork down, gave myself some eyebrows, put in little silver earrings, thought about brushing my hair, and went for a walk. My neighbour said I looked tired. You’ll never guess where I hid the body
I had noise for breakfast with a side of plaid. How ’bout you?
This post is not about intermittent fasting although I am considering giving it a whirl between 10 at night and six in the morning starting tomorrow, which according to the latest conspiracy theory, might actually come
Pour Me A Grape
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People are loyal to their misquotations. After all, there’s no “i” in denial
